Spirit On The Margins

Tears of sorrow running from a statue of Mary, the mother of Jesus 

One of the sites at which we serve as spiritual companions is Harriet Tubman Family Alliance. This program includes residential facilities for women that have been victimized by domestic abuse. This story was told by one of our volunteers.

“I arrived at the domestic abuse shelter open to whomever might attend the spirituality group.  Well after ten mintues no one showed up, which happens.  So I decided to be available to anyone hanging out in the community space.”

“I started talking to a small child and she was willing to talk to me too.  Her mother said, ‘My daughter really likes you, you’re fun.  What are you here for?’  Realizing this was an opening, I said, ‘I am a volunteer who leads a spirituality group but nobody came so I decided to just hang out.’  The woman asked ‘Could I still attend the group?’– ‘Oh sure — we still have time.’  She invited three others and we had a group of five.” “The group was very connected, open and deep.  Two of the women really had issues that they needed to share about and needed our open and listening hearts.  Another woman was very spirited and had a lot to say about her strength and hope that comes only from her faith in God.”

“We were praying at the end and the women asked if there was anything about which I needed prayer.  So I told them my father just had another stroke and that I was going to leave tomorrow to visit him in Florida.  I opened up more and said this visit was going to be hard. While my intentions are to be there for my father, he is usually quite critical of me.  These women said the most precious prayer for me after they heard my concern and it brought tears to my eyes.  They were ministering to me.”

Once again, we find ourselves being amazingly blessed by those we come to serve.  The experience is mutual when we all show up to the presence of God in each other.

On Monday, November 12, we are honored to have Emily Wilmer, a gifted spiritual director, to lead a City House volunteer retreat. She recently gave a beautiful talk at an Advocacy Interfaith Breakfast out east.

“Over ten years ago, I was sitting with a young mother who had been coming to me for spiritual guidance… I’ll never forget the moment she leaned forward in her chair and with a wonderful transparency in her face, looked at me and said: ‘What is it – really – we are supposed to be doing as parents?’  With barely a pause to think I replied: I think we are supposed to be creating an environment in which their little spirits can thrive.”

“What does it mean – and what does it take – for faith communities to create an environment where spirits can thrive?… It requires us to explore, study, and become knowledgeable about things we would rather not see – or don’t know how to see: like domestic violence and sexual abuse.  Love requires us to go to the edges and meet people in the midst of hard times, sad times, and confusing, scary, and lost times. Love calls us to walk to the margins, and build places of safety and welcome for those too afraid to come in on their own.  Love means learning to be a non-anxious presence to one immersed in anxiety, to practice deep listening without judgment or advice and yet speak out against what is unjust, unsafe, and hurtful.”

“Faith communities have a unique opportunity to provide a “soft place to land” for the survivor of domestic violence and sexual abuse.  When a person has experienced family violence, she may be too embarrassed and afraid of others’ perceptions and judgments to admit what is going on in her intimate life.  She may have a distorted or skewed understanding of the scriptures of her faith tradition and think that she must stay in an abusive relationship in order to be a faithful person and faithful to the vows she made. Unfortunately, some pastors and religious leaders may reinforce such views due to their own lack of training and understanding.  As the Advocacy Center staff has observed, it is the abuser who breaks the marriage vows with violence.”

Domestic Abuse and Faith Communities Emily Wilmer