Domestic Abuse and Faith Communities
On Monday, November 12, we are honored to have Emily Wilmer, a gifted spiritual director, to lead a City House volunteer retreat. She recently gave a beautiful talk at an Advocacy Interfaith Breakfast out east.
“Over ten years ago, I was sitting with a young mother who had been coming to me for spiritual guidance… I’ll never forget the moment she leaned forward in her chair and with a wonderful transparency in her face, looked at me and said: ‘What is it - really - we are supposed to be doing as parents?’ With barely a pause to think I replied: I think we are supposed to be creating an environment in which their little spirits can thrive.”
“What does it mean - and what does it take - for faith communities to create an environment where spirits can thrive?… It requires us to explore, study, and become knowledgeable about things we would rather not see - or don’t know how to see: like domestic violence and sexual abuse. Love requires us to go to the edges and meet people in the midst of hard times, sad times, and confusing, scary, and lost times. Love calls us to walk to the margins, and build places of safety and welcome for those too afraid to come in on their own. Love means learning to be a non-anxious presence to one immersed in anxiety, to practice deep listening without judgment or advice and yet speak out against what is unjust, unsafe, and hurtful.”
“Faith communities have a unique opportunity to provide a “soft place to land” for the survivor of domestic violence and sexual abuse. When a person has experienced family violence, she may be too embarrassed and afraid of others’ perceptions and judgments to admit what is going on in her intimate life. She may have a distorted or skewed understanding of the scriptures of her faith tradition and think that she must stay in an abusive relationship in order to be a faithful person and faithful to the vows she made. Unfortunately, some pastors and religious leaders may reinforce such views due to their own lack of training and understanding. As the Advocacy Center staff has observed, it is the abuser who breaks the marriage vows with violence.”
